yearning to venture beyond the horizons

the end of the year is coming around yet again. i feel that the events that occurred within the last few weeks have been so overwhelming that i find it hard to believe one year has passed and one more year is bulldozing towards me. bulldozing cause i dont know what kind of shit lies ahead of me.

the latest shit that has happened is that i discovered 2 lumps on my neck on xmas eve (of all days rite!) whilst bathing. i tell you, i literally stoned! quickly, i called my nurse fren for advice and she decided to accompany me to a clinic she knows of on friday. i was hoping that the doctor will tell me it is due to some muscle strain. but the visit resulted me in taking a blood test. gawd, i hate needles! the doctor gave me 1001 possibilities for the diagnoise. it can be due to TB, viral infection and well of cos the unspeakable. also, i told the doctor about this fishbone that kena stuck at my throat one month ago. that could be one possibility too.

now all i can wait is for the blood test result out on monday.

i must really thank my nurse friend for purposely changing her shift to take me to the doctor and providing so much valuable advice and comfort.

i feel bad not informing my family about this too. sorry.

then today, i got another few scares. my fren called me and suddenly started crying, i really thought sth bad happened to you! then after a gathering, my mom called home and was panicking cos' she cant find my dad at the park. they went there to exercise. she came back first lest she faints in the park. so i ran out to find my dad with bad thoughts running in my head. alas, i saw him crossing the road back near the park. argh i felt so so so... haiz, it's even worse when he was so nonchalent about it.

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everyone seems to be so pessimistic and worry about so many things in life. why cant life get more simpler? when i questioned that, someone replied me that it's only with such adversities that a person can be truly optimistic. we got to admit and acknowledge the fact that life is about suffering, pain and death. only after accepting that, then we can move on and celebrate what is left. celebrate about friendships and love. celebrate about the smiles you witness. celebrate about the care and concern you receive. celebrate about being healthy. celebrate about waking up to a next day. celebrate the thousand and one things that you can feel sad at the same time.

thats what i learnt this past few weeks. at the back of our minds, even when you feel you are fighting a losing battle, carry that little amount of hope. be optimistic! dont overworry!

and so, after every battle, even if it's a lost one, we will all emerge as stronger individuals, triumph as a champion as we learnt something precious, that is to never give up.

to javier, im sure that the kid did the very same thing.

1 Comments:

heyys take care :) havent been able to meet u during hols. sighs. i miss so many people!!

By  CarrieC, at 28 December, 2008 00:03  

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